Set Up for Failure on Thanksgiving

Dec8

For the entire eighteen years I have been married, I have strived to make the best Thanksgiving meal for my family. For all eighteen years, I have destroyed the turkey. It was either not cooked long enough, too tough, too mushy, no flavor, burnt, yada yada yada. This year, knowing that it has been a tough year and hard to get into the holiday spirit, I vowed that I would make the best turkey ever. I am lucky enough to have professional smokers/chefs who told me the tricks of the trade to make the best smoked turkey. They practically held my hand with directions and I was excited for the holiday to come!

Four days before Thanksgiving, I started to brine the turkey and go over everything that I would need to do. I wanted to make all of the other dishes ahead or at least get them prepped so that the day that I smoked the turkey, I wouldn’t be distracted. Then my monkey mind started kicking in. I was beginning to worry about if I messed up, what would we eat? What if I didn’t cook it long enough? I could make my family sick and it isn’t exactly the best time in this world to have to go to the hospital. Chatter chatter chatter. My mind was whirling while I was trying to focus on not screwing up the turkey.

Smoking day arrived. I dropped my husband off at work at 5:30 am, came home, started the smoker, pulled the turkey out, did the rub, the garlic, the butter and pushed the probe into the breast and placed it in the smoker. I sealed it up and every hour, checked to make sure the pellets were being fed and that everything was a go. Every…single…hour…for over twelve hours. And the internal temp never hit 160. Now it’s night time. Temps are dropping fast and my smoker can’t keep up. I pull the turkey, which is black on the outside, wrap it in aluminum foil and tell myself I can save it if I slow cook it in the morning (Thanksgiving morning) for just a few hours. I get everything else made and set the table but the little voice in my mind kept insisting that I ruined a turkey…again.

Well guess what? I pulled the turkey out, unwrapped it and it was absolutely disgusting. Tough on the inside, burnt on the outside. It was a mess. My husband’s attempt to cheer me up of, “Well at least you are consistent. We are used to it by now.” I know he was joking trying to lighten the mood but it did the opposite. I won’t lie, I couldn’t even sit down. I excused myself and went into my bedroom and sobbed.

But then a thought occurred to me. I was SO busy focusing on not screwing up the turkey, ruminating over turkeys past destruction, that I pushed all common sense out of my head. I had ALL of the tools to make this day successful but because I was fearful of failing, that’s exactly what I did. Realizing this, I ran out to my family and informed them that we were having a Thanksgiving do-over the following weekend. They rolled their eyes but played along. I knew where I had gone wrong and was going to make it right. I moved my smoker out of the shade of the house and onto the sunny side covered porch. I PREHEATED my smoker, like you do with an oven (duh) before I put my turkey in and made sure the temp got to 160. This time, when my family sat down for dinner, we ALL agreed; this was the best turkey they had ever had…ANYWHERE!!

The reason why I’m sharing? You are never too old to learn a lesson and don’t let that monkey mind or fear create your failure. Breathe, pause and allow common sense to help you in your endeavors.

Much love!! RaeAnne

Flight of Sparrows Release

Nov6

I’m excited about the second story in my series releasing this month. With all of the chaos in this world, I’m focusing on the positive and what fills my soul and this definitely does. The reviews that my first book in this series, End of Crows, is receiving has been so wonderful! I hope that everyone enjoys the second book as I’m now writing the third and fourth.

Points to Ponder on this year, 2020

Oct15

“I am satisfied that one active campaign… burning two or three of their towns, will set everything to rights.”

“The soldier above all others prays for peace, for it is the soldier who must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war.”

“Between you and me I think we are in an exceeding dangerous Situation.”

“War is when the government tells you who the bad guy is. Revolution is when you decide that for yourself.”

Similar words I’m hearing from American voices on all social media sites. The heinous threats and words that are being thrown about as effortlessly as breathing air shocks and cuts my soul. Have we not learned anything from our history? Obviously not.

All of the quotes above are from the Revolutionary War 1775-1783. You may have studied it in school, though what we learned in our generation is quite different from what my children are learning today. Corrupt government and corporations have twisted and eliminated anything that resembles the truth because to teach the truth is dirty and ugly. But aren’t all beginnings dirty and ugly?

We are supposed to learn, grow and become better than our generations before but it appears to me that we are going backwards. There is no respect for anyone who has a different opinion than you. When did we raise our children to think that their values and opinions are better than everyone else who has a differing one so therefore it is justified to attack, kill, maim and eliminate? When did we lose the art of communication and listening? All I see are keyboard warriors who are so full of their own ego that they easily latch onto and publicly bash anyone who has an opinion they don’t agree with.

I have several friends AND family who believe differently than I do. During these dangerous times, we also have admitted to having opposite political candidate preferences. We are definitely not voting for the same person. But guess what? We are still friends and family. We still have meals together, have drinks together and talk about so many different subjects, even politics. We are respectful to each other when we are stating our opinion and LISTEN when the other person is stating theirs. It’s a quid-pro-quo relationship. And if things start to get a little touchy? We agree that it’s time to change the subject onto something lighter, SO WE DO.

We are on a fast-track to another revolutionary war. We are not listening. We are turning into bullies and we are turning against each other. Have you figured out are you an instigator or a solution? I used to be an instigator. I would hear something that I didn’t agree with or maybe I did and I posted my opinion all over my social media sites. My blood pressure would raise and my heart would pump and I would check my comments every couple of seconds ready to attack. Then I found peace and I kicked my ego in the ass and took a step back. How was I helping ANYTHING with hate and that large chip on my shoulder? I wasn’t.

So now I choose not to react. If a war happens, my family and I are prepared. I live by the saying prepare for the worst but pray for the best and praying I am. I’m praying that more of us knock our egos down a bit and check your chip at the door. Listen more than preach. Stop before you start typing and ask yourself; do I want to be the trigger that starts another war or do I want to be the saint who brings forth peace? I’ve heard people use the excuse, well I’m just one person, that won’t make a difference. But look around you. Look at how all of this negativity has spread ONE PERSON AT A TIME. So yes, you can make a difference. Imagine what it would look like if just ONE PERSON AT A TIME choose to spread joy instead of anger; love instead of hate; blessings instead of curses.

Just my little thoughts to ponder today. Off to play with unicorns and faeries! Peace be with you.

END OF CROWS: BOOK ONE

Aug31
BOOK ONE OUT NOW!

END OF CROWS: BOOK ONE

Aug29
https://geni.us/endofcrows


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Readers who enjoyed Divergent and Hunger Games will love R.A. Lingenfelter’s End of Crows. Book one out now! Available worldwide!

2020, REALLY???

Aug24

It’s been 8 months since my last post and 2020 fell apart? Related? I don’t think so BUT they also cancelled Supernatural so I’m thinking they just need to bring the boys back.

So much going on with us. Madison is still in physical therapy but we are hoping her check in with the surgeon will finally be the good news we are waiting for. She went into Children’s Hospital at the end of February to have her hardware removed from her legs. Surgeon did great, the nurses not so much. They released her too early and she started bleeding. All over the hotel, pools of blood everywhere and when I would call every hour, they kept telling me it will stop, just replace her bandages. I’ve kept the pictures to remind me how scary it was and to push her during her PT. I want this to be done just as much as she does. It’s been a long two years.

I’m back to writing and really enjoying it. I started a new series, End of Crows that was supposed to premier at the Denver ComiCon but then COVID happened. Damn it. I’m hoping it takes off and helps us get into a financial position to buy our own place. We lost everything when we shut our ranch down for Madison’s surgeries. Luckily we were able to find pasture to lease for the horses. I think it would’ve devestated both girls if we had to get rid of the ranch AND their horses. It’s been a tough two years for sure but we are bouncing back.

I’m going to take advantage of my site here. I’ve been using my creative muscle and making some cool book trailers so if I can post them here, I’m going to. Guess I’ve missed human communication more than I realized.

I hope you all are staying safe, sane and kind. Lots of hatred out there so we need to spread some love. Take care and will talk soon!

Another Era Coming to an End

Dec4

The days are getting shorter, the end of another decade is less than 25 days away and time doesn’t stand still, for anyone. If you want to survive and thrive, you have to be open and embrace change. I have to say that I’m thankful for my girls to help me do that.

Blogging is on the way out and vlogging is in. I won’t lie, it is a lot easier to vlog than it is to blog. At least for this ADHD momma of two teenagers. We are always on the go, always doing something and when I sit down at my laptop it’s to get a novel or a story done. So I’ve gone to the dark-side. I now have TikTok (so stinking addictive, won’t lie) Instagram and yep, I even have my own YouTube account. I only have two subscribers at the moment but it’s so much easier to catch everyone up while I’m riding one of my ponies than to sit at my computer. Multi-tasking my Lovelies, multi-tasking.

So while I’ll still be keeping everyone updated on the femoral rotations, the physical therapy, the surgeries (yep, she has more planned) I’ll just be doing it from YouTube. I’ll also be doing some other fun things like promoting my books because if I can’t toot my own horn, who will? Being a horse owner of 4.25 horses and also so many other life issues that I think we ALL need to talk about and express in a safe environment.

I’m not saying goodbye here because let’s face it, life changes so fast and we could be reviving the typed word again, so it’s just so long for now and hopefully I’ll see you on YouTube! My channel is https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC91IfIMt4acbgduOpdObjmA?view_as=subscriber

Femoral Rotations November

Oct23

Yeah, the weekly thing just isn’t going to work. Kids are in school activities, Madison still has physical therapy 2-3 days per week and I’m still having to get my work done.

We spent the last couple of weeks getting fencing fixed so the horses had access to the barn and we had hay delivered. We still don’t have firewood in for winter but the truck broke down and was pretty costly to fix it. Will need to sell it before getting the half a cow in the freezer and wood in for winter.

Tomorrow marks the long awaited day for meeting with the ortho specialist coming in from Grand Junction. He will be the one who basically decides if he can make something for her to correct the rotation in her ankles. All of my hopes and prayers are on his saying yes. I’m trying to have faith that this doctor is as open and receptive as Dr. Rhodes has been.

There’s been lots of struggles and ups and downs. She has a popping in her bad hip but we aren’t having X-rays done at this time. Dr. Rhodes believes it’s an IT band that is rubbing and slipping off of her hip bone caused by the screw. She has to wait until May before they can remove the screws and the rods so basically she just has to deal with the pain. That’s super frustrating for me because it happens whenever she walks, goes up stairs, sleeps, moves, anything. She was finally released to ride her horse and we joyfully went out to our ponies and rode bareback; best way to get back in shape and core built up. I recorded it, of course, bawling with how wonderful it was to see her back on her beloved Chewbacca (the video is on my Facebook page) only to have the joy come to an abrupt end. The way her hips sit on her horse causes the screw to push into her hip bone which causes pain. A goal she had worked so hard for became something she can’t enjoy doing. We are going to try different saddles and hope that with the adjustment of her hips and the way she’s sitting, it will allow her to ride without so much pain.

New things that we found out. Sitting cross-legged is actually comfortable for her now. I was mortified and instantly pissed off when I found out that some elementary teachers tried to FORCE her to sit “criss-cross-applesauce” despite her saying it didn’t feel good. PEOPLE, FRIGGING LISTEN TO THE KIDS WHEN THEY SAY SOMETHING DOESN’T FEEL GOOD. I’m SO sick of adults MICRO-MANAGING KIDS! If they are sitting in a W shape and it’s comfortable to them then let them do it! YOU are NOT a doctor and there could be something majorly wrong! The more I’m researching this deformity the more common I’m finding it is. SO many kids having to go through this bullshit. Venting over.

I will say I’m grateful for all of my friends and support. For those of you going through this, hang in there. I know exactly how exhausting it is. Everyone on the outside looking in sees your child getting better, doing better but they aren’t there 24/7 when the swelling or the pain hits. The frustration your child feels when they can’t do something they used to do. New thing we just found out about. You know how Madison literally had to learn how to walk again? Her brain had to learn how to communicate with her new thigh muscles? Well guess what, it has to relearn how to run too. You would think the brain would click and go, “Oh yeah, I just opened up the communication lines to these new muscles to walk so it must be the same line for running.” NOPE. 5 months after surgery and she’s just now starting to learn to run. Her muscles on the outside of her thighs are trying to fire, not her new front thigh muscles. Can you imagine how frustrating that is? And all I can do is hold her when she cries.

So please hang in there. Be gentle with yourself, be super gentle with your kiddo. Lots of love, forgiveness and patience is needed. Love you all and peace out till the next time.

Femoral Rotations continued

Sep4

Yep, I missed a week. Actually, I missed a couple of weeks. I felt guilty at first, for all of those who read this, that I was letting you down but I had to take some time for me. I didn’t get on social media or meet with any friends. I really needed to reassess my life because I was ready to end it. Yep, I said it. I was ready for the big D.

Friends, let me tell you, when you are down, vulnerable and exposed, there are souls who will come into your life disguised as kind people who want to be your friend and then take you to the cleaners. I must have sucker written across my forehead because I got scammed a couple times and the timing couldn’t be worse. So I needed time to lick my wounds and heal my soul. It’s still not healed but I feel stronger than I have…until today.

Madison’s four month post-op was today so she had to have x-rays done two weeks ago for her surgeon to see. Of course I took pictures and I’ll admit, I didn’t think they looked very good. I showed them to her physical therapist who agreed, they just didn’t seem right. Large lumps and stalactite looking bone formations surrounded her surgical breaks but nothing was filling in at the actual breaks. In another image, it appeared she had a fracture going through the center of some of her new bone growth. Again, not good. So the imagination takes over and you begin to wonder if she is going to have to have surgeries again, or if her bones never heal, would she have to endure grafts? It goes on and on. These were all questions we wanted her surgeon to answer. The least of our concerns were how her ankles turned in when she walked. Worry and stress about the x-rays were on the forefront of our hearts and minds. The appointment today couldn’t come fast enough.

So now we are an hour past her appointment and I have a migraine from the information I’ve received. We were completely wrong about her x-rays, which is WONDERFUL news. Everything is healing perfectly and she is on track. She was even released to start riding her horse again. Best news ever! Then he addressed the ankles. With the extreme inversion, we need to start with orthotics to see if that straightens her ankle/knee and hip alignment. If it doesn’t, she would need to go in for surgeries that are more extensive and complicated than the surgeries she just endured. He said they are way worse than her femoral rotations and he will do them if she needs them…but only as a last resort.

I’d like to end this on a happy note but today I can’t. I’m kind of over everything, if that makes sense. I’m over scammers, I’m over fake friends, I’m over doctors who should listen to parents when they bring their child in YEAR AFTER YEAR saying that something is wrong with their child when they walk/sit. I know I’m the only one who can get out of this funk and I will. I have two incredible girls who deserve to have the best mother possible. I just need to take the time for ME (away from the family so they don’t see my tears) and figure out HOW to get my big girl panties back up and be the Momma Bear next to my little warrior. Actually both of them because my Ashlie girl has been right there alongside every step of the way. What amazing girls I have.

So if your child is walking/sitting wrong and the doctor says it’s normal or they will “grow out of it” or they are just flexible or “double-jointed”, do you and your child a favor. Go get another opinion. Preferably from a professional from Children’s Hospital because the home-town docs I’ve experienced have too much of a God complex to give parents any credit. Take care of you and your family first, screw their feelings because they sure don’t care after the fact of what you and your child will have to endure.

Peace out and many blessings until the next time.

Femural Rotations, New Setbacks, Learning Grace

Aug9

They say be careful what you wish for. I used to compliment how well some of my friends handle challenging or painful situations. I’m learning my grace through my daughter with her incredible recovery. We’ve had a second week of not-so-great news. While her surgeries were a success with rotating her legs into proper alignment, her feet are now causing issues. I’ll have a video posted on my Facebook page (seriously thinking of getting all of this on YouTube) but I took pictures for you to see.

When she walks, they angle in excessively. It’s so severe that it’s causing misalignment in her knees, hips and back. We are waiting to see if she can get lifts in her shoes or if it’s another skeletal issue. I’m hoping it’s a muscle issue and with strengthening, can re-align properly. Of course if this goes on too long, it can also cause damage to her knees, hips and spine. So we are going to address this next week.

On a good note, she’s been swimming with me and her younger sister three days a week in addition to her physical therapy. It’s allowing her to use and strengthen those new muscles without the pain of her body weight on her leg breaks. She’s absolutely thrilled to be active for HOURS without the excessive pain. The memebership at the Recreation Center in our town has honestly been a blessings and side win is it’s helping me get back in shape too! Win/win!

She’s camping out in our front yard with her friend and sister tonight. She missed Mountain Man Rendezvous this year so they are creating a little one for her tonight. God bless wonderful souls that have the hearts of mountains.

I hope you have a blessed weekend and thanks for listening!