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Another Era Coming to an End

The days are getting shorter, the end of another decade is less than 25 days away and time doesn’t stand still, for anyone. If you want to survive and thrive, you have to be open and embrace change. I have to say that I’m thankful for my girls to help me do that.

Blogging is on the way out and vlogging is in. I won’t lie, it is a lot easier to vlog than it is to blog. At least for this ADHD momma of two teenagers. We are always on the go, always doing something and when I sit down at my laptop it’s to get a novel or a story done. So I’ve gone to the dark-side. I now have TikTok (so stinking addictive, won’t lie) Instagram and yep, I even have my own YouTube account. I only have two subscribers at the moment but it’s so much easier to catch everyone up while I’m riding one of my ponies than to sit at my computer. Multi-tasking my Lovelies, multi-tasking.

So while I’ll still be keeping everyone updated on the femoral rotations, the physical therapy, the surgeries (yep, she has more planned) I’ll just be doing it from YouTube. I’ll also be doing some other fun things like promoting my books because if I can’t toot my own horn, who will? Being a horse owner of 4.25 horses and also so many other life issues that I think we ALL need to talk about and express in a safe environment.

I’m not saying goodbye here because let’s face it, life changes so fast and we could be reviving the typed word again, so it’s just so long for now and hopefully I’ll see you on YouTube! My channel is https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC91IfIMt4acbgduOpdObjmA?view_as=subscriber

Femoral Rotations November

Yeah, the weekly thing just isn’t going to work. Kids are in school activities, Madison still has physical therapy 2-3 days per week and I’m still having to get my work done.

We spent the last couple of weeks getting fencing fixed so the horses had access to the barn and we had hay delivered. We still don’t have firewood in for winter but the truck broke down and was pretty costly to fix it. Will need to sell it before getting the half a cow in the freezer and wood in for winter.

Tomorrow marks the long awaited day for meeting with the ortho specialist coming in from Grand Junction. He will be the one who basically decides if he can make something for her to correct the rotation in her ankles. All of my hopes and prayers are on his saying yes. I’m trying to have faith that this doctor is as open and receptive as Dr. Rhodes has been.

There’s been lots of struggles and ups and downs. She has a popping in her bad hip but we aren’t having X-rays done at this time. Dr. Rhodes believes it’s an IT band that is rubbing and slipping off of her hip bone caused by the screw. She has to wait until May before they can remove the screws and the rods so basically she just has to deal with the pain. That’s super frustrating for me because it happens whenever she walks, goes up stairs, sleeps, moves, anything. She was finally released to ride her horse and we joyfully went out to our ponies and rode bareback; best way to get back in shape and core built up. I recorded it, of course, bawling with how wonderful it was to see her back on her beloved Chewbacca (the video is on my Facebook page) only to have the joy come to an abrupt end. The way her hips sit on her horse causes the screw to push into her hip bone which causes pain. A goal she had worked so hard for became something she can’t enjoy doing. We are going to try different saddles and hope that with the adjustment of her hips and the way she’s sitting, it will allow her to ride without so much pain.

New things that we found out. Sitting cross-legged is actually comfortable for her now. I was mortified and instantly pissed off when I found out that some elementary teachers tried to FORCE her to sit “criss-cross-applesauce” despite her saying it didn’t feel good. PEOPLE, FRIGGING LISTEN TO THE KIDS WHEN THEY SAY SOMETHING DOESN’T FEEL GOOD. I’m SO sick of adults MICRO-MANAGING KIDS! If they are sitting in a W shape and it’s comfortable to them then let them do it! YOU are NOT a doctor and there could be something majorly wrong! The more I’m researching this deformity the more common I’m finding it is. SO many kids having to go through this bullshit. Venting over.

I will say I’m grateful for all of my friends and support. For those of you going through this, hang in there. I know exactly how exhausting it is. Everyone on the outside looking in sees your child getting better, doing better but they aren’t there 24/7 when the swelling or the pain hits. The frustration your child feels when they can’t do something they used to do. New thing we just found out about. You know how Madison literally had to learn how to walk again? Her brain had to learn how to communicate with her new thigh muscles? Well guess what, it has to relearn how to run too. You would think the brain would click and go, “Oh yeah, I just opened up the communication lines to these new muscles to walk so it must be the same line for running.” NOPE. 5 months after surgery and she’s just now starting to learn to run. Her muscles on the outside of her thighs are trying to fire, not her new front thigh muscles. Can you imagine how frustrating that is? And all I can do is hold her when she cries.

So please hang in there. Be gentle with yourself, be super gentle with your kiddo. Lots of love, forgiveness and patience is needed. Love you all and peace out till the next time.

What do you mean it’s been over 24 months???

It’s an amazing thing how fast time flies and even with you’re most pure and sincerest intentions you can accidentally let people down or be unable to keep promises. That is so true with my writing.

Right after my novel, With Love; Now & Forever, hit #1 on Amazon, I had quite a few not-so-nice people take advantage of me and it really hurt my feelings. I know, no one can hurt your feelings unless you allow them to but I was very trusting and riding high on becoming a best selling author. I decided to take a sabbatical for a year and now, twenty-six months later, am just now getting back into the swing of things. But let me tell you what a ride the past 26 months has been! I’ve learned more about myself, done more changes and have had more thrust upon me than I ever imagined.

When I took my sabbatical I spent the time playing on my property, planting a garden and playing house. I enjoyed the time with my daughters and my husband and really took a look at the man whom I had chosen as the father of my children. He had become an underground coal miner when the building recession hit and in the 16 months he’d been working there, I saw how much he had aged. His joints were hurting, he was graying and he was tired all of the time. I am a self proclaimed savior. I try and save everyone and work even harder when it’s someone whom I love so much. I created an amazing business plan to open a tack store and submitted it to my bank. My logic? If we built up a business then Steve could quit being an underground miner, we would have our own family store and all would be perfect. The problem? No one ever told us how much time that business would take and how precious that time would be if your child became ill. And that’s exactly what happened. Our 9 year-old daughter started having severe stomach pains. None of the doctors could figure it out and when she stopped eating and quickly dropped weight, they told us this was serious and to get to Children’s Hospital in Denver (over 200 miles away) immediately.

By this time we had been having to close the store several times to get to doctor’s appointments or the hospital for tests and the grumbling from customer’s did not fall on deaf ears. Steve wanted to shut the store down and I panicked and sold the store for pennies on the dollar. My main goal was that our hard work would not just disappear, it would continue on without us. And so it has. The great news in all of this is after performing 8 biopsies and a scope, the hospital found a bleeding ulcer in our daughter’s stomach. It was caused by stress and not disease. Yes, this was great news because they figured out what it was, what had caused it and we could treat it. It was no longer a mystery and we could move forward on healing her. What a blessing!

In the midst of all this chaos, I found out, with the help of an amazing medium down in Fort Collins, that I am an empath. This is VERY hard for me to talk about and I don’t take having this conversation lightly because during the time that I realized something was different about me, to finding out WHAT was different about me, I struggled with the fear, anger and resentment of having this gift, to where I am now, which is, grateful. This is me, this is who I am. If you don’t like it, there is the door because I’m still RaeAnne. I’m just able to make more sense of things that have and do happen to me. I’m still learning, and believe me, it is a serious learning process! I’m learning how to protect my own thoughts and my own emotions and figuring out how to keep them separate, not take on someone else’s feelings. And it’s hard because when I’m the only one in a room and “someone” wants to be heard and subjects their feelings/thoughts onto me, I have to stop and take a moment to protect myself before I can acknowledge them. It’s harder than anything I’ve studied in my life.

And that’s where I’m going to stop the conversation about that. I’ve learned that not everyone is as open minded as I am and the subject can make many people very uncomfortable. It’s something that I am still learning about and dealing with, not you, so I won’t impose this upon anyone. I have a select few that are comfortable with me talking with them, my support group you could say, so when I’m overwhelmed, not understanding or feeling frustrated with my gift, I feel safe enough to seek them out.

My biggest lesson over the past 2 years? Change is going to happen whether you like it or not, whether you are prepared for it or not. It’s how gracefully you embrace the change or if you are drug in, kicking and screaming, accomplishing nothing but exhausting yourself. I’ve left my tracks and I’m too tired to fight anymore so here I come, gracefully embracing the change. I’m excited that I will be able to reconnect with my fans, to hear what THEY think about my new books and have my writing therapy back in my life. I’ve also learned that I have some amazing friends, who have stuck with me the past 2 years, and even though I can’t “see” them every day, they let me know that they are there for me. That is one of the greatest gifts of all!

Life is meant to be fun! Enjoy the journey!