Yep, I missed a week. Actually, I missed a couple of weeks. I felt guilty at first, for all of those who read this, that I was letting you down but I had to take some time for me. I didn’t get on social media or meet with any friends. I really needed to reassess my life because I was ready to end it. Yep, I said it. I was ready for the big D.
Friends, let me tell you, when you are down, vulnerable and exposed, there are souls who will come into your life disguised as kind people who want to be your friend and then take you to the cleaners. I must have sucker written across my forehead because I got scammed a couple times and the timing couldn’t be worse. So I needed time to lick my wounds and heal my soul. It’s still not healed but I feel stronger than I have…until today.
Madison’s four month post-op was today so she had to have x-rays done two weeks ago for her surgeon to see. Of course I took pictures and I’ll admit, I didn’t think they looked very good. I showed them to her physical therapist who agreed, they just didn’t seem right. Large lumps and stalactite looking bone formations surrounded her surgical breaks but nothing was filling in at the actual breaks. In another image, it appeared she had a fracture going through the center of some of her new bone growth. Again, not good. So the imagination takes over and you begin to wonder if she is going to have to have surgeries again, or if her bones never heal, would she have to endure grafts? It goes on and on. These were all questions we wanted her surgeon to answer. The least of our concerns were how her ankles turned in when she walked. Worry and stress about the x-rays were on the forefront of our hearts and minds. The appointment today couldn’t come fast enough.
So now we are an hour past her appointment and I have a migraine from the information I’ve received. We were completely wrong about her x-rays, which is WONDERFUL news. Everything is healing perfectly and she is on track. She was even released to start riding her horse again. Best news ever! Then he addressed the ankles. With the extreme inversion, we need to start with orthotics to see if that straightens her ankle/knee and hip alignment. If it doesn’t, she would need to go in for surgeries that are more extensive and complicated than the surgeries she just endured. He said they are way worse than her femoral rotations and he will do them if she needs them…but only as a last resort.
I’d like to end this on a happy note but today I can’t. I’m kind of over everything, if that makes sense. I’m over scammers, I’m over fake friends, I’m over doctors who should listen to parents when they bring their child in YEAR AFTER YEAR saying that something is wrong with their child when they walk/sit. I know I’m the only one who can get out of this funk and I will. I have two incredible girls who deserve to have the best mother possible. I just need to take the time for ME (away from the family so they don’t see my tears) and figure out HOW to get my big girl panties back up and be the Momma Bear next to my little warrior. Actually both of them because my Ashlie girl has been right there alongside every step of the way. What amazing girls I have.
So if your child is walking/sitting wrong and the doctor says it’s normal or they will “grow out of it” or they are just flexible or “double-jointed”, do you and your child a favor. Go get another opinion. Preferably from a professional from Children’s Hospital because the home-town docs I’ve experienced have too much of a God complex to give parents any credit. Take care of you and your family first, screw their feelings because they sure don’t care after the fact of what you and your child will have to endure.
Peace out and many blessings until the next time.