Femoral Leg Rotations & Parents part 4

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!

Yes, we celebrate our independence and our beautiful red, white and blue flags here! We are hoping you are enjoying this holiday too and staying safe. Madison was able to stand long enough on her crutches to go visit her horse, who came running up to see her. It was a beautiful sight!

It’s been a tough week here at the Hadley household. While Madison has been doing great, she isn’t healed enough to go to her rendezvous camp-out in two weeks. Her father and I figured she wouldn’t be able to but she still had the goal in her heart and we didn’t want to crush it. We head for Children’s Hospital next week for her six-week post op. New X-rays and examination to see what’s going on.

We do know at this point that as her swelling goes down, one of the screws in her hip/femur is starting to catch on the muscle and tendons, making it difficult to do certain physical therapy activities. At this stage, we don’t know if they will have to remove it, put a smaller one in or leave it until the hardware comes out at nine months. Lots of questions for next Friday. I will let you know after next week, definitely.

What I wanted to talk to you about today is expectations and other people’s perceptions. For the most part, people in public are great and very kind but prepare yourself, physically and emotionally, for the jerks. We’ve had a little old woman glare at us and give us the stink eye when I didn’t get the handicapped tag up fast enough in my rearview mirror of my car. I’ve had more than one person run their shopping cart into my daughter’s wheelchair at the grocery store and not even bat an eye or apologize. I’ve had people who have sped their vehicles up to make it through the crosswalk so that they didn’t have to wait for her to cross and others back out of parking spaces without even looking for shorter objects.

I’m not bringing this up to point out that there are douchebags in the world, we all know that there are. I’m bringing this to your attention so that you can protect your child. When you walk, walk so that your body is protecting the wheelchair and child. Driver’s usually aren’t looking down when they are backing up or driving. They are looking for other cars, other upright pedestrians and open parking spaces. If you are there, they will see you first, the wheelchair second.

In the grocery store people are less likely to run their carts into your child if you are standing right there. Some people don’t mean to hit the chair but others just don’t care. You need to be there to try and prevent it because jarring hits like that can be very painful, especially if it’s right after their surgeries.

I also want you to prepare emotionally. It won’t do anyone any good if you are in jail for assault (let’s face it, we are all protective mommas and daddies when it comes to our kiddos) So you need to learn to be able to walk away without causing any bodily damage to someone else. Dealing with douchebags will have to wait for another time and remember, for every douchebag that’s out there, there are ten more souls who are willing to do anything to help you and your child. Recognize, focus and be thankful for those positive people. They are out there and they exist, it’s OKAY to lean on them. We are all here for each other.

Now go grill something, have some fun with your family and watch those beautiful fireworks!

Femoral Leg Rotations and Parent’s cont.

PART THREE

I know it’s Thursday, almost towards the end of the week but I warned you in the beginning that sometimes my blog might be once a week or several times a week. It might just be this one.

This week has been wonderful, she’s doing leaps and bounds in therapy but we are having to get our things together and prepare for our 6-week post op trip back to Children’s Hospital. In the mix of all of that, I have a novel due next month, throwing my hat into the ring as a first-time publisher and working with some amazing authors from all over the world. I’ve been a little busy.

One of the things I forgot to tell you to bring for the hospital is clothing. We thought of only buying super soft shorts because we figured she wouldn’t want to have anything on her legs but nobody told us that the swelling in her hips and thighs would be so massive that her sizes wouldn’t fit. She’s normally a size 9 womens but she could only fit into my size 18 shorts. Yes, the swelling will be that severe. She went down to her normal size within 2 weeks but she couldn’t fit into her regular sized clothing until then. Thrift store, baby. You can buy some super soft shorts, sweats or even sun dresses for cheap since your kiddo will only be wearing them for less than half a month. Save your money for nice shorts in their size because that’s all they will be able to wear during physical therapy.

The other thing is to bring something that they are close to, that comforts them. Even though she’s fifteen years old now, she wanted her stuffed black horse, Midnight. The entire situation is so scary for them. Heck, it’s scary for us and we aren’t the ones having our legs broken and rotated.

Smart phones, tablets and pads are fantastic! There’s Wi-Fi in the hospital so Madison could watch her Netflix or Hulu while I emailed family and friends or watched my own shows. Believe me, the days are long when your child can’t walk very far. The surgeon had told us that she might be there for three days if everything went well but to prepare for five, just in case. Her knee gave our three times on the Wednesday we thought we were going to be released so they kept us until Friday. By the end of the week, Amazon Prime video was my best friend.

I’m sorry this one is short. I’ve got to get supper done and the girls to bed early. Madison has therapy in the morning, early, so sleep is our friend. I know it’s 4th of July celebration next week but I promise, I will still more information!

Keep the love flowing, keep the positive thoughts open and have a very blessed weekend!

Femoral Leg Rotations and Parents Part 2

PART TWO

I didn’t want to leave anyone hanging over the weekend so I’m posting today. Today has been a super rough day. She had physical therapy first thing this morning and had difficulty even moving her legs off of the bed to get up. My vibrant, bouncy daughter is shuffling along like she’s ninety years old. Through the tears she smiles, never wanting anyone to feel uncomfortable around her. She is truly amazing.

So how is she walking with two broken legs? Because of the steel rods they inserted down through the center of her femurs, it allows her to relearn how to walk without having to wait for the bones to heal. She was up and walking the day after surgery, albeit it was only a couple of steps but pretty impressive.

What to expect if your child has to go through the surgery or surgeries. Physical therapy!! Get your child into physical therapy at least six weeks before they have their surgery done. Muscle, tendons and ligaments will need to stretch with this rotation, regardless of the degree of rotation so if they are flexible and limber before the surgery, the less damage is possible. It also helps rebound quicker after the surgery. Nerve endings. We were told that nerve endings do not stretch. They don’t have play in them and if they are stretched too far they snap, which can result in temporary or even permanent nerve damage. Madison’s rotations were a huge 25-degree rotation on each leg, five percent more than what they had anticipated. She has ZERO nerve damage. Doctors swear that the physical therapy couldn’t help that part but I don’t believe them. They don’t know everything, as we’ve already learned. I’m a huge advocate for the physical therapy before and of course, after.

Things you are going to need. A walker, a wheelchair, a potty chair for over the toilet, a shower chair and a bedroom with no stairs. They will tell you that your child will be getting up and walking right after surgery but it’s only a couple of shuffling steps. Madison struggled just standing up from the hospital bed, let alone walking very far. One of the other things we got was a belt. It’s specifically made to go around their chest and under their arms. It is wonderful for helping them stand since their balance is non-existent. I recommend gathering these things and bringing them home before the surgery. We drive a Nissan Rogue and live five hours away from Children’s Hospital. We were set up at the Ronald McDonald house just a mile from the hospital (though this momma slept on the pull-out sleeper in Madison’s room) and if there are any donators out there, please consider donating to the Ronald McDonald houses. They are truly a blessing for families.

Anywho, I digress. The four of us drove down for Madison’s surgeries and they had her equipment there for us to take home. There was so much that my husband had to rent a truck and he and our youngest daughter had to take half of it home with them. There was no way we were going to fit the equipment, luggage and bodies into that SUV of ours.

Also stock up on lots of things for them to do in bed. Madison spent a good amount of time playing her games online with her friends but even that gets old. She received a care package from a sweet friend that had crossword puzzles, thread to make friendship bracelets, spirograph and other fun goodies like that. I also bought her some modeling clay to make some sculptures.

I know I will have more tips and ideas to offer. Things that you think about after this is already done so if I can help you before the surgeries, then I’ll be a happy camper.

One other thing that I’d like to point out. You are going to go through a lot of emotions regardless if you’re a man or a woman. My husband wasn’t freaking out over the surgeries themselves but over the healing and pain afterwards. I was freaking out over the surgeries (what if something went wrong and she didn’t come out of anesthesia, lost her legs, lost feelings, etc. Mom brains are crazy) so it was great when we talked about our fears and concerns with each other because it allowed us to be strong during the times when the other person felt weak. So definitely lean on each other. You may not understand why the other person is freaking out over what you consider fine but the same may go for your partner. Just understand that you have different fears and concerns and you can be strong together.

Have a fantastic weekend and we will talk to you next week!

Femoral Leg Rotation and Parents

I’m getting past my fear and my anger and going to post this blog to hopefully help other families who are going through or maybe prevent this from happening to their child. This blog is not going to have a set time for release. It could be several times a week or just once a week. It honestly depends on how our healing is going (and I say ours because as a mother, I’ve grieved with her, I have grieved for her, I have raged against the doctors who wouldn’t listen to me and I’ve come to acceptance, all forms of healing). My daughter has super good days but she also has super bad ones so I need to be there for her. With that being said, I hope that this can help others who are going through this.

What is this blog all about? Well, this blog is about doctors not listening to parents. This blog is about parents learning to take control and having a voice for their child. This blog is about what to expect if your child has to go through this procedure. This blog is for venting and also offering support in the knowledge that you are not alone. Most importantly this blog is to let you know to accept all of the emotions! Don’t let someone that you shouldn’t be scared, angry, upset, worried. DO feel those things! You are supposed to! God, the Universe, whoever you believe in (or don’t) gave us emotions to experience. NOT JUST THE GOOD ONES! So accept those emotions, they are there to guide you, let you know you are still alive and they are a part of you.
So a quick rundown because I’m sure our stories are going to be similar. When Madison started walking, my husband and I noticed right away that her feet weren’t right. We took her into her pediatrician and he told us that she was pigeon toed and would probably grow out of it. We accepted that and as with life, other things came up and we couldn’t address it again until she was six. We were living in another town at that point and took her to the pediatrician there. We were told similar stories. She was pigeon toed; she would grow out of it. It just didn’t feel right so we took her to a pediatrician in Steamboat Springs who told us she was double jointed and she would excel at sports. This explanation sounded even worse but every doctor we took her to up there told us there were no issues. She would be fine.

Fast forward to her now being thirteen years old. She’s still having issues with tripping, wearing shoes out irregularly and just being uncomfortable. It’s documented on all of her yearly exams but nope, there’s nothing that can be done for it. That summer, she stopped riding her horse as much. When we asked her why, she said her knees and hip hurt. We knew it was related to her legs and took her into her pediatrician and demanded that we be referred to an ortho. The orthopedic doctor took x-rays of her legs, examined her and said that one leg was slightly longer than the other one and she needed to have a lift put in her shoe. It didn’t sound right but at least we weren’t being told that it was normal.
She wore the lift for a couple of months but got progressively worse. I refused to take her back to that orthopedist, frustration that nobody was taking us seriously was mounting. Finally my husband took her in to her pediatric doctor and was adamant that something had to be done. They prescribed physical therapy and the following week he took her into her appointment. I still don’t have this gentleman’s name but I love him. He made her walk, took one look at her and said he couldn’t do anything for her. The turn was NOT in her lower legs, it was in her upper legs and no therapy would help her. He recommended she go to the gait clinic at Children’s Hospital in Aurora. The appointment was made but we had to wait three months before we could get in. In the meantime, the pain in her hips were getting worse and she stopped riding her horse.
The staff at Children’s Hospital was amazing and they had a team of ten professionals to go over all of her tests and videos. No stone was going to go unturned until they had answers. Unfortunately, we wouldn’t get the answers until January and it was the worse news we could expect. Both of her femurs were twisted. Because of this deformity it was causing undue stress on her knees, hips and spine. Degeneration was already happening and surgeries were recommended immediately. Unfortunately, the only surgeon who is properly qualified and experienced to do the surgeries was booked until May 20th, 2019. We would have to wait until then to get her surgeries done.

Here’s where it gets interesting. With this type of surgery, they have to break both femurs (thigh bones) in half, rotate the lower legs until they are in proper alignment, slip a titanium rod down through the center of the thigh bones, screw in bolts/screws into the hip at the top and also above the knee to hold the bones and rods in place until the bones heal. Because her muscles, nerves and tendons will be rotated also, she will be learning how to walk all over again. Her brain has to relearn how to talk to new muscles to allow her to learn balance, movement and stability. We were basically going to have a one-hundred- and fifty-pound toddler.

The part that makes me so very angry, even to this day; if any doctor had listened to me, if I hadn’t accepted their bullshit and had fought for my daughter, they could have put braces on her legs that she would wear at night that would have corrected her thighs. NO SURGERY! But because her bones have already solidified, the only way to correct it was surgeries. And they wanted to do both legs at the same time. Great.

Another problem that we were fighting with was that because it had been gone undiagnosed for so long, her left hip was already being worn irregularly and there was damage to that ball and socket. The surgeon was hopeful that once her legs were put into proper alignment that inflammation would go down and hopefully, we can reverse any kind of injury without surgery but we won’t know until she is completely healed, which is a 9-12 month process. This isn’t a sprint, that is for sure.

I’m going to wrap up this post for now. I need to get my daughter up to the bathroom, feed her and give her the pain meds she’s on but I promise I will next write about the surgery and hospital experience. There were things that we weren’t told that I think all parents need to know. Remember, if your child is pigeon toed, walking irregularly, their gait is off, go get a second opinion. Maybe even a third, fourth or fifth. If it just doesn’t sit right with you, follow your gut. You were given emotions and instincts for a reason.

And any doctors out there reading this, a little piece of advice. ALWAYS listen to horse moms. We have been trained to watch with an eagle eye if a horse’s gait is off. We know immediately and instinctively that something is wrong. We have that same gift with children. Don’t blow us off, we might actually know something that you should listen to.

#MeTooMvmt has gone #MeTooTooFar

When the #MeToo movement began, it was to bring attention to women who were being abused/raped/tortured by men and forcing to keep quiet. It was a movement to empower women and bring those guilty men to justice; to pay for their crimes. It was supposed to help women, punish those who were guilty but as someone who actually learns from the past, I didn’t jump on board. I sat back and watched knowing that the pendulum that swings in this world was going to swing too far. And it did.

But now the pendulum has swung so far that it’s affecting my life. A Cleveland, Ohio radio station has pulled the classic holiday song, “Baby It’s Cold Outside” from the airwaves because the #MeToo has complained that it is offensive. When is this going to stop? There are so many songs out there that can be labeled offensive but this one was pulled. So now I’m involved in a movement that I swore I was never going to get involved in, that I’ve never commented on. What gives me the right? Well, here we go.

I was raped when I was younger. Raped in my own fucking house, thank you very much. I couldn’t understand why or how this happened to me. I wasn’t a bad person. Years of wondering what I did wrong, how I could’ve done more to prevent it led to my suicide attempt that landed me two days in the hospital. Still I didn’t tell anyone because I was ashamed. I stuffed it all down until I hated myself so much I finally broke down and told my Mom. We sat in the kitchen and cried and not once did she blame me or tell me it was my fault. I never thought I would embrace those words as much as I did. She didn’t hate me or find me disgusting like I found myself.

So for years I went through counseling. Dealing with the demons that I had created, making them bigger than the man who hurt me. I started to heal, though I would always carry the scars. Finally found a man who loved me, was patient with me even though for the first five years of our marriage, he couldn’t touch me in certain spots because of what had happened. But he never gave up on me, never stopped loving me, never stopped respecting me. And every year for the past sixteen years, he has sang me that song, courting me, desiring me, letting me know that he still wants to spend every minute he can with me. And now the #MeToo movement is making that song dirty? Fuck you. There are a lot of things I dislike in this world but I choose to look the other way because I know that there are other people in this world that find joy in them. And since I’m sharing this world with my brothers and sisters, I want them to be as happy as I am.

So yes, I have the right to say this is wrong. I have the right to say stop it now. It’s turning into a movement that is NOT helping as many as it should and even innocent men are getting accused because of this movement but that’s a post for another time. As far as I’m concerned, “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is a beautiful song that my husband sings to me to let me know he still wants to spend every second we have together, with me.

My Circus

It’s amazing how fast things can change. If you blink, you might miss it. Or you might be too focused on other’s issues and situations that you miss something miraculous in your own life.
I used to get caught up in other’s problems and focus on the negative but after my brush with death last year I’m really learning to put things in perspective. I’m focusing more on what is going on in my immediate life and less on my peripheral life. Surprisingly my stress is less and blessings are becoming more abundant.
We are becoming a world of changing our focus on more important things, like ourselves, and focusing more on other people’s lives. Whether it’s jealousy, trying to fix someone else’s problems, curiosity, anger, a sense of superiority over others, it tends to lead us down the wrong road and off of our path of blessings and abundance. It’s so easy to jump to the defense of the victim or weaker person but what we haven’t learned is that things that you read, watch and see on television and the internet is edited, twisted and filtered. All people have an agenda. All of us do and it’s not a bad thing. It’s how we use our agendas that can cause problems or do harm to others.
I won’t lie; it was super easy to get caught up in all of the drama that the media has been trumping up the past few years. I became angry at everyone and everything that didn’t agree with me. I jumped to conclusions and mentally tried and condemned those whose agendas didn’t line up with mine. Low and behold, my anger took over my life, I looked at everyone suspiciously and wondered what they truly wanted and my blessings and miracles started disappearing. My family noticed the change in my personality and I knew I was unhappy all of the time. Change had to happen and it started with me.
I stopped watching and reading the news, I eliminated quite a few people off of my social media pages; I began to meditate on the beautiful things in my life instead of watching everyone else’s lives. I created tunnel vision goggles and what I focused on had rainbows and unicorns. The blessings and miracles began to appear again and I am much happier than what I was.
Do I slip? Heck yes. Different worldly situations come up that I don’t agree with and recently I had someone who I considered a friend hurt me very badly. I was filled with anger and hurt and I wallowed and focused on that for a couple of days. Low and behold my rainbows disappeared. I pulled my big girl panties up, let the situation go and concentrated back on my own life, my own circus, my own monkeys. My rainbows are coming back and my unicorns are grazing happily in my field.
It’s interesting to note that the happier I am, the less misery I see and am exposed to. I’m able to smile at strangers more and spread kindness just outside my bubble. The happier I am, the larger my bubble grows and the more I’m able to spread the kindness. Go figure.
Remember, life is meant to be fun; enjoy the journey…YOUR journey and don’t worry the path another is taking.IMG_3604

Essential Oils, Life Experience and Almost Dying

My life has really taken some interesting turns this past year. First and foremost I’d like to say that I’m so grateful to be here typing this as last December, my husband and I both believed that I wouldn’t be.
My close friends, family and fans knew that last April, we moved into my dream ranch to start a horse boarding facility. My writing was put on the back burner and my publishers knew I needed some time to get our ranch up and going. We worked from sun up to sundown. I’m happy to say that the ranch took off and the business was growing rapidly.
As fall approached, I knew I would need to get an outside job to help pay for expanding the ranch and feeding the numerous horses over the winter. I took a secretary position at one of the elementary schools and began planning expansion for the ranch. I loved the teachers and staff that I worked with and adored the principal. She was smart, decisive and very open minded. I was grateful when she allowed me to diffuse my essential oils to ward off any illnesses. Witchcraft is what my husband often teased me with.
Towards the end of September I developed a horrific ear infection. My girls often got them but I hadn’t had them for years. I figured because we had moved to a new town, being exposed to new germs (especially an elementary school) I was bound to get something. I started to sanitize everything, diligently diffused my oils and drank lots of orange juice for my vitamin C.
I knew I needed to find a doctor to start going to but the time was never right. I worked 7:30 to 4:00 pm then had to pick up my own girls after school. September turned to October and my ear infection developed into a severe sinus infection. I started taking oregano pills for my antibiotics, diffused my oils at school and started diffusing them at home while I slept. I was going to lick this but October has always been my celebration month. It’s my birthday month and the month I got married. My mother always comes down in October so my husband and I can escape and be kids for a few days. My illness would have to take a backseat. We decided to stay locally since I wasn’t feeling the best and stayed the night in a local hotel near a restaurant and bar that we could walk to. Our usual playful self was hindered by the keen awareness that I sounded like a pack-a-day smoker.
Still I pushed on. We had horses that had to be fed in the mornings, and again after school and stalls to clean. Plus Halloween was coming up, my most favorite holiday. The sinus infection had moved down into my chest but I just knew it was going to clear up. I’d behave better once Halloween night and trick-or-treating was done. So out and about we went for Halloween night. I should have known I would pay the price.
The next week I was barely able to speak and the pain in my chest from coughing was unbearable. I began to miss work and began to lose my strength. The day before Thanksgiving I spent three hours in Urgent Care being treated for bronchitis. Nebulizer treatments, steroid injections, antibiotics, cough suppressant, I was given it all to try and get my illness under control. After the break my principal pulled me into her office and we discussed what my plan should be.
I knew I was missing too much work and putting her in a tough situation but she never brought that up. Instead her concern was for my health and well being. She believed I was burning the candle and both ends and my physical health was in jeopardy. We agreed that my position at the school was probably not the best at this time and that I needed to get on top of my health. It was bittersweet saying goodbye to everyone I was starting to care for but I was truly scared that I was not getting better.
By the beginning of December, I had full blown pneumonia and I was told that I needed to be hospitalized or risk dying. Because I no longer had insurance through the school, I chose to pass at home. My husband quit his job to take care of the ranch, me and our beautiful girls. Neither one of us wanted them to find my body and there were many nights he didn’t sleep at all because he just knew I was going to take my last breath. I had no energy for anything other than what little sleep I could get. Every breath was excruciating and never deep enough. I felt like I had cracked every rib in my body. Light and noise hurt me on every level of my being. I would often lie there crying thinking of everything I was going to miss out on with my girls. Their first prom dance, graduation, when they graduated from college, getting married, having their first child. I grieved for my husband, knowing I was his best friend as he was mine. I prayed he would find love again.
Christmas came and went as did New Years. Every day was a struggle but as the days got a little longer, I began feeling a little stronger. I finally had enough strength to find a doctor and began seeing her for my pneumonia. She was amazing and we took baby steps with me seeing her every week. She made sure I had a nebulizer at home with instructions that I needed to use it 4-6 times a day. I had an inhaler, antibiotics, steroids and a cough suppressant at night that honestly kicked my ass and allowed me to get sleep. As I began to get healthier she began to run tests to try and see what may have caused me to get so sick. Heart monitors, chest x-rays, blood work, breathing tests, head CT’s, she ran them all to find out what exactly happened. Everything came back healthy and perfect and we were left scratching our heads. Stress. We decided the stress of the ranch, working, writing, taking too much on was the cause of my illness. We began to take baby steps to get me back 100%. In March I was strong enough to get another job, this one with the County of Montrose.
All summer I have gotten stronger, healthier and thrilled that I never did die. It’s hurt us financially and we will deal with the repercussions of it but I can hug my children and kiss my husband and that in itself is a blessing. As the one year anniversary approached I’ll admit that I became leery and worrisome. What if I got sick again? I don’t think that I could survive that this time. I warned the guys in my office that I was going to diffuse my oils early to start to ward off any illnesses. My girls were starting school again and bringing home all of those lovely germs. I hoped that they wouldn’t mind if I did. Being guys, they said they didn’t care and I knew they meant it. Hahahaha.
The next week I brought in my diffuser and began diffusing my beloved OnGuard, faithfully starting it each morning. I took my multivitamin every day and drank my emergenC as my doctor had instructed me. I felt the panic in my gut as I started getting sinus pressure and tightness in my chest. By the second week of September I had to use my inhaler. It was all happening again.
The guys began to tease me that my diffuser wasn’t doing its job and my husband made a comment that maybe it was my witches brew, that I shouldn’t be diffusing the oils anymore. I knew he had been terrified about losing me last winter but there was no way it could be my oils. It wasn’t until my co-worker pulled me aside and made a comment that everything hit home. He told me, “In all of the months you have worked here, not once have I seen you have to use your inhaler. You’ve been diffusing for one week and I’ve seen you use it more in the past couple of days than the past couple of months. I don’t think it’s good for you.”
Normally I would argue with them and I’ll admit I was a little defensive. I LOVE my essential oils. My owie blends, my face creams, my sleep and stress blends, they are my go-to. But I still remember the feeling of not wanting to go to sleep because I just knew I wasn’t going to wake up. I agreed that I would give it a week of no diffusing to see if I got better. So I cleaned out my machine and for a week, didn’t diffuse a drop.
The second day my lungs had loosened up and I only needed to use my inhaler once. By day three, I wasn’t using my inhaler at all and my sinus infection was gone. By the end of the week I had zero symptoms of any illness. I packed up my diffuser and brought it home.
NOW before all of the naysayers and defenders of essential oils jump all over this, I am NOT saying that you shouldn’t diffuse your oils. The only thing that I am saying is that for ME, for some reason, I had a reaction to them. Were they the reason I stayed so sick and almost died? I don’t know. I will never know because I’m never taking that risk again. It could have been JUST the pneumonia, it could have been a combination of the pneumonia AND the essential oils, it could have been JUST the oils. We will never know for me because I looked death in the face and while I won the war on it, it won the battle because I have never been so scared in my life.
I still use my oils. I have my topicals that I will probably ALWAYS use but I will never diffuse anything again unless it’s something my doctor prescribes. And maybe, just maybe, if you or a kiddo or someone you love has a respitory infection and they are NOT getting better, stop diffusing for a week, JUST TO SEE and rule out that those oils aren’t contributing towards it. Please.
Peace out and I’m so glad I’m still here! Love you all my Lovelies!

Perspective

I’ve been mulling this conversation over in my head for the past year. And what a year it’s been. But the subjects are building and if I wait any longer, it will turn into a novel and nobody will want to read it.

I’m reading so many posts anti-Trump/anti-Obama, women’s march/anti-women’s march, politically correct/anti-politically correct. I can go on. The subjects are endless and it seems like people are searching for anything to argue about. The one thing that I’ve noticed as I’ve sat back (well, most of the time) is that these subjects are black and white, defined lines. Nothing is monochrome or blurry. Is that accurate or true? I’m here to say in my opinion that I don’t think it is.

My entire life when I have encountered a person who has done a kindness on another, I have always told them, “Bless your heart.” And I’ve meant it. I have wished miracles and blessings upon them and their heart because they were so kind to another. As I’ve found out recently, that term doesn’t mean the same to me as it does to others. For awhile I struggled with not saying it because I didn’t want to offend anyone. Then I realized that how I say and mean it makes a huge difference. I say it with love, kindness and sincerity. It is never misconstrued as an insult. So I am back to blessing a kind person’s heart and soul. It feels good and right to me. But I never post it in a text or social media because without hearing the words, it could easily be twisted and taken completely out of context.

This presidential thing. Oy vey, are we in a mess. Again, black or white. I’d like to point out the monochrome I mentioned earlier. As a human being, I respect Obama and absolutely adore Michelle. She is graceful and classy. As a president, no, I didn’t like Obama. I didn’t respect the decisions he made as a president that affected the town I lived in, my husband’s job and healthcare. We lived in fear for eight years, wondering when we were going to lose everything.

I also don’t believe that everyone should enjoy the same benefits in life. My entire working life, which started at a very young life, I have struggled. I’ve put in 14-16 hour days, sometimes two or three jobs to get where I am at today. I’m still not where I want to be but I’m getting there. Why should I help pay someone else’s way, who is not my family, to live a lifestyle similar to mine while they choose to stay at home and do nothing? If you want cell phones, cars, eating at restaurants, a nice roof over your head then work for it. If you physically can’t (legitimately, not some excuse) then there are programs out there but they shouldn’t be paying for your Escalade, cell phones and designer sunglasses.

While Trump scares the bejimminies out of me, I also agree that there needs to be a change. We were not all created equal, hard work is a reality, life isn’t fair is truth. Things happen. Destroying property that isn’t your own shows how far the pendulum has swung in the direction of immaturity. Our laws have become so slack that you can break the law and not worry about being punished. Heck, with the right attorney you won’t even get a slap on the wrist. What happened to being held accountable for your actions?  Those who are breaking the law are blaming their actions on others. I didn’t realize we had raised a bunch of puppets. I have no problem with protesting. It’s how things get done, attention brought to the wrongs in our society. But when it’s done with hatred, violence and disrespect for others, I won’t participate. Even if I agree with you. Respect used to be earned, now it’s expected. If you can’t respect another person’s point of view and beliefs, how can they respect yours? You expect me to listen to your pain, your hurt but you won’t listen to mine? Life doesn’t work that way.

Which brings me to the latest women’s march. This was a tough one for me and I’ll admit, I didn’t handle it the best on my social media page. I “shared” a post which I mostly agreed with but I didn’t change it to share my tone/personality. This morning I saw another post attacking the post I and many other women had shared. I saw this woman’s point of view because she “spoke” with some respect. I deleted my post but I haven’t changed my opinion on the march. Since this is my blog, I can take the time to remove the emotion from my “voice” and try to explain my position respectfully.

Why I didn’t support the march. This other blogger summarized that the reason “I” (generalizing women who didn’t support this movement) is because we didn’t grow up with hardships, we didn’t struggle or suffer so we needed to be put in our place and have compassion for those who have. That is the post that at first, infuriated me but instead of lashing out on my social media page, I decided it was time to stop, calm myself and post on my own blog.

I am the epitome of everything this woman was talking about in her blog. I grew up in a household where verbal and physical abuse occurred. Money was a very precious commodity. Just yesterday I came across a letter from the Governor of Colorado and the Colorado Ambassadors of Music congratulating me on being chosen as a participant in an All-Colorado performance tour of Europe. My band teacher, Ms. Stork, had recommended me to the board and I had been chosen. 25 days traveling Europe and I couldn’t go because my parents couldn’t afford the airfare. This letter was dated Sept. 16, 1985. That’s how much I wanted to go and how painful it was that I couldn’t. I was so proud of myself.

I was also legally emancipated by sixteen. At fifteen I had been kicked out of my house and lived a short time with my best friend. I still call her parents Mom and Dad. I didn’t graduate high school. I dropped out four months before graduation because I was not only working full-time, but I was fighting with my mother, bouncing from friend’s house to friend’s house for a roof over my head. I didn’t graduate with my classmates and it’s the reason I refuse to go to class reunions. They earned it, I did not. I got my GED and continued struggling in life.

After working minimum wage jobs for five years, I decided I wanted a better life. I chose automotive. I took out student loans and was accepted into a technical college. What the hell was I thinking? A high school drop-out, a woman, going into a male dominated field. Talk about asking for torture. And I did suffer. I was discriminated from the get-go. And do you know the comment that made me the angriest came from a woman? At graduation after I walked across the stage to accept my diploma, a woman came up to me while I was with my family and stated; “You don’t look like a mechanic.” I turned and smiled sweetly and asked, “Well, what is an automotive mechanic supposed to look like?” The discrimination came from both sides but it hurt the most coming from other women. I dealt with women who wanted to talk to a man because they knew about cars. Of course I had the men who wanted to talk to a man because, well, they knew about engines.

Discrimination came from higher up too. I was told by one dealership owner that I would never become the service manager because I was a woman. He kept me as an assistant service manager for over a year, enjoying the benefits of the customer service awards I won for his dealership. And the ultimate discrimination? How about getting fired for having a baby. It wasn’t sugar coated, glossed over, put nicely. I was told straight up that I was fired because I took maternity leave. And in the state of Colorado, any business with less than twenty employees can let you go for any reason, legally. So yes, I’ve dealt with the discrimination and difference in pay for over fifteen years.

The great thing about America is I can choose a different path, a different life. So I did. I murdered my boss who fired me for taking maternity leave. Well, metaphorically I did. I took all of that anger and hatred and I wrote a book and killed him. Damn, it felt good too. And I decided I wouldn’t work in a repair facility anymore. I taught automotive classes at Colorado State University, gave lectures, wrote newspaper articles. I called out repair shops who tried to take advantage of women. I worked and created the kind of life I wanted to live.

I’ve also experienced rape. A horrific, life-altering experience to be sure. It’s the reason my husband and I make our girls take Tae Kwon Do, why they learned gun safety at a young age and taught to listen to their instincts. You never honestly know what’s in a person’s soul.

Now I could take all of these terrible experiences and blame my childhood, blame society, talk about how awful life is but I will be the last person who will do that. My life is wonderful and I am blessed beyond belief. There are times I break down in tears, grateful for the life I have. I refuse to dwell on the negatives. I look for the window that opens when the door shuts. If I can’t find the window, I break down the wall and make my own escape. I can do anything in this life that I want to because I believe it and I work for it. If I have to put in a twenty-hour day, I will do it. I don’t look outside of myself to make things happen because I know I have the power to do it.

The older I get, the more I realize that those who handle themselves with grace and respect get heard the most. To have an intelligent debate, showing respect for the other person’s experiences and opinions, will have greater weight than words spewed in hate and anger. While I will admit I have “lost it” sometimes on social media, giving into my strong emotions, I will often delete my comments or apologize. I am human, I do make mistakes.

I have worked and fought so hard to be where I am at. I have incredible friends, a husband who honestly respects and honors who I am, daughters who look up to me, ask my opinion, value my teachings. So I refuse to act in a manner that is disrespectful. Putting on vagina hats, spewing hateful words and then trashing the streets with signs and litter is not the way to be heard or taken seriously. My children asked why all of the women were wearing clown hats and because I’m honest with my girls, I explained to them what was happening and what those hats really were. Their words; “that’s stupid.”

So the entire purpose of this protest was lost on many who would’ve taken it seriously, believed in the same cause, experienced the same things. I want to be taken seriously. I did not feel that this was the way to accomplish that.

So to the blogger who tried to label me, tried to box me, I respectfully argue with your position. Life is not black or white. It’s filled with different shades of color. It’s what makes us unique, special. Please don’t speak for me because you haven’t walked my path, nor I you. I won’t tell the world who you are, I won’t paint you black or white. I won’t put a label on you because I have respect for you as a fellow human being. I would appreciate the same respect.

Society of black, white and extremes

I Facebook it, I Tweet, I’m beginning to Musical.ly, I see the world through cyber eyes. And the more I see, the more I realize that we are becoming a black or white society. If you hate this, then there is NO way there is anything good about it. If you like that, then there is NO way there is anything is bad about it. Whatever happened to the grays in life?

I live in a coal mining community. Have for the past 8 years. We moved from a tree hugger community. When we first moved up here, I informed my husband (yeah, never inform anyone ANYTHING because that will guarantee that they are going to do it!) that I NEVER wanted to be a coal miner’s wife. I knew nothing about coal mining except it was dangerous. Well I have been a coal miner’s wife for 5 years now. They are NOT a bunch of inbred, uneducated hicks like many believe. They are dedicated, hard-working, family and community minded souls. They are risking their lives every single day so that we have electricity, heat, power, your Xboxes and PlayStations. So when I hear about people bashing coal industry and how much it RUINS the land and how amazing solar power is, I get frustrated. So I posted on my Facebook page pictures of a surface mining operation in progress, the reclaimed land a few years later of that SAME mine and then one of a solar panel field, in which ALL life was decimated. My entire point was there is good AND bad aspects to EVERYTHING.

Another thing I read, I believe it was on MSN, is a group who is complaining about our youth. Our youth is self entitled, lazy, disrespectful and it’s ALL because parents coddled them as babies, spoiled them, never let them cry in their cribs. As a mother of two beautiful young ladies, I call bullshit on that. I NEVER let my girls cry in their cribs. When they needed me I was there. They didn’t have to cry themselves to sleep. My girls have everything they need, and quite a bit of what they want. The difference is my girls know that they need to work for things and continue working. They have A’s and B’s in school, volunteer when needed, will help a fellow friend who is down and is right out there repairing fencing and plow trucks in the cold and mud with the adults. Hhhmmmm, okay, so that theory was blown to hell.

Now the thing that is blowing up our Internet and news are the presidential candidates. Everything is black and white. IF you like this candidate, then you MUST be a terrorist, or capitalist, or extremist or …..it goes on. No one is willing to admit that there can be good AND bad in each candidate (heck, they are all politicians so we KNOW the bad is there, now to find the good) and society is quick to jump on the lynching bandwagon if you mention anything you MIGHT or MIGHT NOT like about a situation. I choose not to discuss politics. My founding fathers gave me my right to vote quietly, discreetly and peacefully, following my heart and soul, without having to be socially flogged or berated for my beliefs. I know that whoever is elected, there is going to be good AND bad and I pray that the good will outweigh the bad. I have my daughter’s futures to worry about.

How I’m going to handle things is TRY to practice tolerance. The big T word that so many people talk, preach and post about but so little actually act on. I’m different, unique, as are we all, so why am I going to jump on a judgmental bandwagon that only knows extremes? I’m not. JMO.

Remember, Life is meant to be fun; Enjoy the journey!

Children, Animals, Kryptonite and Antibiotics

Since my last blog, I’ve received quite a few comments and questions as to whether or not I am alright. It seems that my normally friendly, sensitive nature took a vacation and my blunt, less than kind comments really concerned a few people. So I’ve taken the past week to really reflect on what is going on.

I have always been an animal lover. Anyone who knew my in my childhood can attest to that and my current friends also are aware of my passion. It’s one of the reasons we have so many critters on our little ranch. Since I’ve had my own two, beautiful little girls, I’ve become aware of the wrongs done to children and in turn, become very passionate to their rights. Children and animals have no rights, are often treated as objects and with social media bringing it to the front, it’s hard for me to ignore it. So my blood boils and I become physically sick when I see abuse, blatant or otherwise. What fired me up that day was a person who was trying to argue as to why they had allowed the abuse to continue. For over four years! I don’t care if you felt sad, lost, waiting for God to make that decision. You were the adult, this soul depended on you to protect and take care of it. By allowing the abuse to continue, you allowed that soul to suffer. It honestly broke my heart and I publicly lashed out. My bad.

Along with this dangerous combination is the fact I have been very, very sick for the past two months. The amount of prescribed medication is mind-blowing and my days are scheduled around when I have to take pills. This is not an excuse, it’s a fact, but I do need to hold myself accountable for how it reacts with my body. As my family has told me, I am a crabby person on this medicine. This is noted and I will not forget.

I have been struggling with what is proper, how to get back to the kindness, how to fight for those who have no voices. I have heard that everyone has an opinion so you just need to keep yours to yourself because your children are watching and will model yours. Well, guess what. I don’t want my children to keep quiet. They were born to be heard, just as I was. I want them to stand up to injustices and abuse. I want them to say, “Oh, heck no! You cannot do that to me! It is not acceptable!” I want them to know that sometimes you have to make a stand. But I do agree that there are respectful ways to do it. Calling other people stupid is probably not a good way to do it. So while I will not apologize for feeling pain and hurt for a soul who was lost to something as horrid as abuse, I will promise to try to take a breath, go for a walk and think out my blog before I post it. I will try.
Have a blessed weekend and remember; Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!