My life has been pretty, um, well, hectic since December. My youngest daughter has been very ill, my husband has been required to work 60+ hours per week and during this period of months, I have been dealing with chest pains. Very scary when you come from a family with heart disease. At the insistence of my husband, I put my notice in at work and scheduled a complete physical with my doctor. The great news is my heart is great! My chest pains and shortness of breath is actually stress/panick attacks, go figure. On the scary side, my doctor found some things that needed to be addressed, on of which required me to drive to Denver to have a specialist look at me and perform more tests. During this time, my husband and I talked about all of the possible outcomes including what I would do if it came back positive that I had cancer. What a horrible word.
For the never-ending days that it took to wait for my appointment day, I felt alone, scared, angry, confused and so very sad. I tried to keep a smile on my face and I have to say, I think I did a pretty good job. My girls didn’t have a clue other than Mommy had to go to Denver for some check ups. I started to notice little things that my girls would do that I absolutely loved and wondered if I would be around to see them do it again. My favorite bird, the Robin, sounded more beautiful than I had ever heard and the taste of my food was more enjoyable. I thought of my husband, who has been my best friend for the past 10 years and realized how close we were and how much I depended on him and him on me. I remembered all of the little wonderful things he has done for me over the years and my appreciation for him grew ten-fold. I realized I have some of the most amazing friends in my life, that I have more support than I had ever realized in my life and I felt so humble, so grateful, so peaceful. I knew then that I was going to be alright. I had too many blessings in my life to be ripped away from everything and everyone.
Friday I had my tests performed in Denver and I will admit, even though I “knew” I was going to be ok, I shamelessly burst into tears when the doctor told me that I did not have cancer. The weight, fear, pressure of this experience lifted from my shoulders and I felt I could run through the Cherry Creek Mall (very prestigious stores are in this building) screaming and laughing at the top of my lungs. It was wonderful! I have documented everything that I felt because I swear I will never consciously take for granted the blessings in my life and if I do, I’m going to look up at the letter from the doctor saying that my tests are negative for cancer. I have it framed and on my wall as a reminder how wonderful life is, how I make it wonderful, it’s all in my perspective. I have the control.
I hope you don’t have to go through such a drastic experience to gain a fresh perspective on life. I hope you can take my story, sit down and truly look around and see the beautiful things that are with you, a part of you, around you. It’s spring which brings new life, let it bring new hopes and dreams for you! Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!