My life has been pretty, um, well, hectic since December. My youngest daughter has been very ill, my husband has been required to work 60+ hours per week and during this period of months, I have been dealing with chest pains. Very scary when you come from a family with heart disease. At the insistence of my husband, I put my notice in at work and scheduled a complete physical with my doctor. The great news is my heart is great! My chest pains and shortness of breath is actually stress/panick attacks, go figure. On the scary side, my doctor found some things that needed to be addressed, on of which required me to drive to Denver to have a specialist look at me and perform more tests. During this time, my husband and I talked about all of the possible outcomes including what I would do if it came back positive that I had cancer. What a horrible word.
For the never-ending days that it took to wait for my appointment day, I felt alone, scared, angry, confused and so very sad. I tried to keep a smile on my face and I have to say, I think I did a pretty good job. My girls didn’t have a clue other than Mommy had to go to Denver for some check ups. I started to notice little things that my girls would do that I absolutely loved and wondered if I would be around to see them do it again. My favorite bird, the Robin, sounded more beautiful than I had ever heard and the taste of my food was more enjoyable. I thought of my husband, who has been my best friend for the past 10 years and realized how close we were and how much I depended on him and him on me. I remembered all of the little wonderful things he has done for me over the years and my appreciation for him grew ten-fold. I realized I have some of the most amazing friends in my life, that I have more support than I had ever realized in my life and I felt so humble, so grateful, so peaceful. I knew then that I was going to be alright. I had too many blessings in my life to be ripped away from everything and everyone.
Friday I had my tests performed in Denver and I will admit, even though I “knew” I was going to be ok, I shamelessly burst into tears when the doctor told me that I did not have cancer. The weight, fear, pressure of this experience lifted from my shoulders and I felt I could run through the Cherry Creek Mall (very prestigious stores are in this building) screaming and laughing at the top of my lungs. It was wonderful! I have documented everything that I felt because I swear I will never consciously take for granted the blessings in my life and if I do, I’m going to look up at the letter from the doctor saying that my tests are negative for cancer. I have it framed and on my wall as a reminder how wonderful life is, how I make it wonderful, it’s all in my perspective. I have the control.
I hope you don’t have to go through such a drastic experience to gain a fresh perspective on life. I hope you can take my story, sit down and truly look around and see the beautiful things that are with you, a part of you, around you. It’s spring which brings new life, let it bring new hopes and dreams for you! Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!
My heart sings with your today! I am so filled with joy – not only because things turned out so well, but for the new viewpoint you were given. Bless you RaeAnne!
((Hugs)) what a scary time. But glad all is well.
Beautiful RaeAnne, so glad you are well and thanks for a very thought-provoking subject. Hugs!
Awesome…thank you so much for sharing your emotions…they can be so difficult to capture in black and white…and delighted for your negative results!
Amen to that!