Archive | March 2012

Life, love and the persuit of change

April is coming up pretty dang fast and even though I look forward to it every year, this years seems even sweeter. My two favorite seasons of the year are spring and fall. Both mark a change, a preparation for things to come and I get excited and as giddy as my daughters. This year April brings multiple blessings. Not only are we moving into our new house with 35 acres but I’m no longer working outside of the home which will allow me freedoms I have been dreaming of. Gardening, horseback riding, writing and cooking are just to name a few.

April also brings with it the celebration of my oldest daughters birthday. She’s turning the big 8 which means my baby isn’t a baby anymore. The booster seat will be put in the other vehicle for her younger sister, she will get her own horse which will also allow her a little more freedom. It’s hard to see them grow up so fast but I watch her, proud and amazed at the incredible person she is becoming and knowing that her father and I had a part of that.

It also marks 8 years of writing for me. I look back on that day when I was told that I no longer worked for that company because I had taken maternity leave and I remember the pain, the anger, the shock. I remember it but I no longer feel it. What I had thought was such a horrific day, seeing it now, was actually a blessing. It was scary and yes, we sacrificed our ranch and sold all of our horses but we made it, we’ve rebuilt and re-established. Because of that day, my first book, Mechanics of Murder, was written, which sparked my passion, my desire, my dream and my therapy. I’ve since written 4 other books, one being the sequel to my first, and have 3 other novels in the works and several more with notes. I’ve met amazing people from all over the world, gained a very nice fan base and an even better friend base, both are growing. I also hope to start traveling this year to start meeting my fans, my friends and spread my name even more. What I had once thought was a horrific thing that had happened to me was actually a door closing on a career I wasn’t happy with and open one to a life I love.

So on the celebration of love, in the month of April, I will be offering my paranormal romance, With Love; Now & Forever, for free on Amazon Kindle. It offers a different perspective on unconditional love, which is what I feel for my life, my family. Stay tuned for the date I will be releasing it! Have you ever had a horrible thing happen to you and then after the fact, realize it was probably one of the best things that have ever happened? Life can be pretty crazy but it’s supposed to be, enjoy the ride!

A new perspective on life

My life has been pretty, um, well, hectic since December. My youngest daughter has been very ill, my husband has been required to work 60+ hours per week and during this period of months, I have been dealing with chest pains. Very scary when you come from a family with heart disease. At the insistence of my husband, I put my notice in at work and scheduled a complete physical with my doctor. The great news is my heart is great! My chest pains and shortness of breath is actually stress/panick attacks, go figure. On the scary side, my doctor found some things that needed to be addressed, on of which required me to drive to Denver to have a specialist look at me and perform more tests. During this time, my husband and I talked about all of the possible outcomes including what I would do if it came back positive that I had cancer. What a horrible word.

For the never-ending days that it took to wait for my appointment day, I felt alone, scared, angry, confused and so very sad. I tried to keep a smile on my face and I have to say, I think I did a pretty good job. My girls didn’t have a clue other than Mommy had to go to Denver for some check ups. I started to notice little things that my girls would do that I absolutely loved and wondered if I would be around to see them do it again. My favorite bird, the Robin, sounded more beautiful than I had ever heard and the taste of my food was more enjoyable. I thought of my husband, who has been my best friend for the past 10 years and realized how close we were and how much I depended on him and him on me. I remembered all of the little wonderful things he has done for me over the years and my appreciation for him grew ten-fold. I realized I have some of the most amazing friends in my life, that I have more support than I had ever realized in my life and I felt so humble, so grateful, so peaceful. I knew then that I was going to be alright. I had too many blessings in my life to be ripped away from everything and everyone.

Friday I had my tests performed in Denver and I will admit, even though I “knew” I was going to be ok, I shamelessly burst into tears when the doctor told me that I did not have cancer. The weight, fear, pressure of this experience lifted from my shoulders and I felt I could run through the Cherry Creek Mall (very prestigious stores are in this building) screaming and laughing at the top of my lungs. It was wonderful! I have documented everything that I felt because I swear I will never consciously take for granted the blessings in my life and if I do, I’m going to look up at the letter from the doctor saying that my tests are negative for cancer. I have it framed and on my wall as a reminder how wonderful life is, how I make it wonderful, it’s all in my perspective. I have the control.

I hope you don’t have to go through such a drastic experience to gain a fresh perspective on life. I hope you can take my story, sit down and truly look around and see the beautiful things that are with you, a part of you, around you. It’s spring which brings new life, let it bring new hopes and dreams for you! Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!

When giving up is a sign of success

We all have had people/places/things in our life that tend to bring us down yet we continue and try to fix it or make it work. In my newest romance, Love’s Everlasting Song, Rebecca Gordon is faced with the fact that her marriage is failing. Like most of us, we tend to spread ourselves thin, including me, and all areas of our life begin to suffer.  We are eventually forced to sit down and evaluate the things that are most important to us. Sometimes the revelation isn’t what we expected or what we want.

In my life, I have found that my job at my girls’ elementary school ranked lower than the other things in my life so last Tuesday I put in my notice. In Love’s Everlasting Song, Rebecca found that her loveless marriage ranked lower than the other things in her life and with a heavy heart, agreed to end her marriage. But all is not ever a loss. I honestly and truly believe that when one door closes another opens. For me, it’s being able to get back to writing and enjoy the blessings of being a wife, mother and author. Rebecca was able to take the energy she spent on her distant husband and focus on her career.

So what is the object in your life that you feel is holding you back? Are you able to give it up to succeed elsewhere in your life? I would love to hear of your successes and enlightenments! Life is meant to be fun, enjoy the journey!

Superwoman’s Kryptonite

The past four weeks of my life have been some of the most taxing days I have had in my life. Not only have there been medical emergencies within my immediate family but also my extended. There have been challenges with my job, Steve’s job and also our upcoming move. Taken individually or even a couple at a time, these challenges would be manageable without a second thought but having them landing with a splat into my life within 30 days has thrown me for a loop. I have been sad, confused and angry at the world, at God, at the Universe for bringing these things into my life. All of these emotions are not normal for me, having been nicknamed Miss Suzie Sunshine because of my easy laughter, sense of humor and optimistic outlook. I’ve struggled with these unfamiliar emotions and even began to wonder if I was losing my mind or going insane. Unable to take the pressure anymore, I confided in my best friend who also happens to be my husband. His words were so simple and supportive that I wished that I would have talked with him sooner.

He told me that In order to take care of everything else, I need to take care of myself first. If my body AND soul are not nurtured, how can I have the energy to take care of others? He took care of our beautiful daughters Friday and Saturday night and for the first time since September, I was able to write and work on my novel. I cannot express how healing, fulfilling and soothing writing is for me and I hadn’t realized how starved I had been for my passion until I was able to spend those two nights doing what I love so much. My thoughts feel clearer than they have the past four weeks and my soul feels re-energized. Steve and I have made some tough decisions that will be coming up and I know some people will be disappointed but I need to re-prioritize that things that matter most in my life and my writing is definitely one of them.

This experience has also shown me that I haven’t been depending on enough people to help me out. I try to be superwoman when I need to stop and ask for help, be it my husband, my family, my friends or God. We still have some challenges coming up the next couple of months but I will be sure to take the time to write, to ask for help and to rejoice in other’s joys.

I want to thank the Universe, thank God, for reminding me what I had temporarily forgotten, that life is meant to be fun, I need to enjoy the journey.

Is there a bigger plan?

Tonight I was blessed to be able to talk to my best friend. In order to express to you how close she is to me, I have to tell you about our beginnings. I had bought a ranch after my divorce and her and her husband moved into the neighborhoood shortly after I moved in. She had Arabian horses and raising Tennessee Walking Horses myself I knew she probably didn’t want to have to do anything to do with me and so I went on with my life avoiding my new neighbor. A fellow neighbor or mine stopped me while I was working with my mare and we got to chatting and she invited our “neighbor” over. After a few minutes of conversation I realized I had a soul mate in the form of a friend. We were inseparable and spent many nights together talking about our dreams, our desires, our fears. Fast forward to two children, career changes and moves. She is now in Oklahoma and us in western Colorado.

We still talk, still dream But she caught me off guard when she asked me if I had ever read or watched the book/movie The Secret. I told her that I had both the book and the movie. She asked me what I thought of it. After taking a moment I was surprised at my own answer. I thought it was bull. Now before I am condemned for making such a statement, I would like to justify my decision. I have been an avid believer in The Secret, having lived, breathed and immersed myself in the beliefs. I have created a visioning board, ( two of them as a matter of fact) and even listened to Abraham Hicks who also goes along with the Secret beliefs. I have focused on every thought I have had, given thanks for every blessing, believed and lived every dream I have ever imagined in the hopes that I will to “come to realize The Secret”.

After 6 years of living the life of The Secret, and believing that my thoughts would create my reality, I fell down into hopeless despair of what I was doing wrong. I couldn’t control my thoughts enough, couldn’t do enough positive to make my life, my family’s life better. I decided to talk to someone whom I trusted more than anyone else in the world. I talked to my Dad. I asked him what was the right path and I believe he gave me the answer. It’s fine to have your dreams, to want more, to strive for more but you need to appreciate the now and what things that are brought to you. You may NEVER have what you have pictured for yourself on that visioning board but if you appreciate and feel blessed with what you DO have, your gifts are endless. You need to love who your are and where you are at now because that is the blessing, what is around you right at this moment because it could be taken from you in a blink of an eye and saying “I’m sorry” or  “if I had only known” can never fix the situation.

Lindsay, I love you to death and I am SO glad we talked over Arabians and Tennessee Walkers. You will ALWAYS be my blessing!